By Emma Wood
Every fall and every spring a phenomenon that has taken over high schools everywhere springs up again: proposals. Not the kind with a special ring and a special couple, no, a kind with big posters, sparkles, glitter, balloons, flowers, and music. Maybe it is done as one treks to another’s house in pursuit, maybe it is at a football game, or one’s work… But it is all the same idea: a dance proposal. At first glance, these are adorable and fun! What girl doesn’t want to be swept off her feet with cheesy pick up lines on a big poster for everybody to see? Who doesn’t want to post that memory on their social media? Truly, who doesn’t want such a sweet gesture asking them to the biggest dances of the school year? But… is it actually as ‘fun’ or ‘adorable’ when it is not really a choice anymore to ask the girl out this way, but more like an obligation?
When an anonymous student at Southeast High School was asked if she expected an elaborate proposal to a dance, she responded with a wince, and said, “[She] feels it goes both ways, yes some girls, even when dating, expect this big thing from their boyfriend, but when dating, it should just be a given that you would go together”. She also had claimed that, “The promposals are such a normal thing it is just meh, I disagree with it”. She seemed genuinely disgusted with some behavior used with these expectations.
And while I will be the first girl to tell you that you should be as confident as ever, and truly be yourself, expecting a guy to do all of this not for a sweet moment, but rather for a post on social media… It is not having standards, it is not receiving princess treatment, it is searching for validation from people you barely know who might scroll past and say, “Hey, I wish I was like her and got a guy like her”.
Girls, I speak from my heart when I say this, but there should not be an unspoken expectation that we deserve this kind of show, as if a simple, heartfelt ask is not enough. That pressure leaves guys scrambling, not only to find a date, but to find a way to put on a performance that will impress not only that person but all their family, friends, and acquaintances online. It is less about sincerity and more about spectacle. Plus, let’s be honest: a lot of guys will look up puns and whatnot and just do that. That is not sincere, it’s not sweet. It is actually the opposite.
Of course, there are a lot of positives too! Promposals can be fun, lighthearted and creative! They make people feel special, noticed, and appreciated! But when the tradition shifts from being a choice to being an obligation… It loses its charm. It is like buying a girl flowers. Girls, most of the time, do not expect that behavior, so when it happens, they get all giddy and happy and think about it constantly, at least I do, and I know for a fact that most do as well. However, when you expect it, on a special night or something where you know it is going to happen, it is suddenly not as special.
Plus, proposals for dances are starting to look a lot like proposals for marriage. If somebody puts on so much of a show just to ask somebody for homecoming… What is left for the ACTUAL big question later in life? Isn’t that supposed to be the most meaningful, surprising, unforgettable moment? If the standard for “just a school dance” is roses and glitter , how do you top that when it comes to marriage?
Maybe the question we should be asking around this time is: do we really need promposals? Wouldn’t it mean more if the invitation to the dance was about the person and their love, rather than a performance? Because at the end of the day, the best memories are not made the moment someone holds up a poster. They are made out on the dance floor, surrounded by friends, celebrating all together as one.
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